do i have to think of such stupid things when im busy.

today was a pretty hectic day. i guess things turned out pretty well? i mean, i was expecting less volunteers today as compared to yesterday, but more of them showed up today. haha should i be proud that PERHAPS yesterday went well and that people had so much fun that they decided to call their friends and sign up again?

ive really learnt the importance of planning ahead... like i actually have to think and look ahead and anticipate stuff, and cant just make things up on the spot coz theres stuff to prepare. i really wanted people to feel that theyre actually doing something when they come down, and not just aimlessly sit around to clock cip hours.

im not sure if i actually managed to achieve that. so far, ive been pretty lucky. ive always had one other countdown comm member with me during these decor making. their moral support has really been really uhh. supportive? hahaha. i cant think of any other word. im just really thankful to have it.

as of late, i think ive become really whiny. and its really bad. i think i actually complain about everything i do, and i dont think thats really good. complaining to other people, to advisors, to grls and to really, anyone i can think of. its not that i hate my job or anything. i just dk why i cant stop complaining. i mean yeah, in the end, i still get the job done. but like, theres really something wrong when you irritate yourself. im just going to get pissed at myself for being such a whiny little brat who cant just shut up and do things.

then theres the part where i simply cannot learn to shut up. i think i should learn not to say such stuff in front of adults. i really need to just zip up and keep my personal opinions to myself. i mean, yeah okay, theyre adults. but i dont actually agree with their way of doing stuff all the time. im just going to try harder to keep silent and to keep my own thoughts to myself. at the end of the day, if the job gets done, no one is really about to go and care HOW it was done.

idk. i only hope tomorrow will be a better day. i think i need my energy back.

oh and i think i need to learn not to show black face that easily also. must practice fake-smiling more. its seriously a life skill. no matter how annoying the person is, if your fake-smile looks genuine enough, it'll get you through anything. then again, its just for work. who wants a friend who's like that half the time.

im just really, really grateful for my friends who stand by me and support me. even though they dont say it all the time, im comforted by the occasional sms and asking if im fine.




its just a bit more. but i think i'll miss this when its all over.